105: Mindset Mini: Don’t Wait For Your Co-Parent’s Response

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  [Unedited transcript, please excuse errors.]
  Hello everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. I've got another mindset mini for you today. This is a short and sweet episode where I share one mindset topic that I want you to be able to learn about and then quickly start applying to your life.

  Here's what I'm bringing you today. Often I'll have clients come in and they'll talk about how they're waiting to see what their coparent does, whether maybe they're waiting to see how their co parent proposes something during the divorce process, or they're waiting to see what their co parent says about a request that they've made.

  And I kind of like to check the temperature when they talk about waiting to see what their coparent is going to say or do and see if they're cool and calm, waiting to see, or if it's bringing on more stress and agitation, maybe some anxiety. If they're cool and calm, great. Then we just put that aside and they wait. They get the information they need and then they move from there.

  If they're feeling anxiety or if they're feeling stressed about it, I encourage them to make some more decisions. And what that looks like is let's come up with some different scenarios and make a plan for each of those different scenarios.

  For instance, if you have asked your coparent to change the transition time, let's say that because you have a new work commitment and it's going to affect your ability to do that. If I have someone who has made that request and is feeling very anxious, they're feeling like, well, if my co parent doesn't agree to this, it's not going to work out, it's going to be so stressful, then what I say is let's make some plans. Let's make some backup plans that we can put on our mental shelf or even a physical shelf if we write them down so that we can be at peace right now while you're waiting for their response.

  That might look like say, you are proposing to change the time of your transition. If the co parent says great, I can totally do that, then you're all set and you just move on your merry way. If they say no, then what do you want your next step to be? Do you have the next proposal that you want to make or do you keep the exchange time the same? And you are going to find some structure, some support in your life to make it possible for your kids to get from your home or from your sphere to your co parents sphere.

  You can come up with multiple different scenarios and what you would do so that no matter what your co parent says, you can keep moving forward. To summarize this idea, you're going to get information from your co parent. And then if they say x, my next step is to do y. If they say a, my next step is to try b. If they say c, my next step is to try d. That way we're not putting everything it's make or break on whether they say yes to our request, whether they propose something that totally works for us. It isn't make or break. It's not life or death. We're just figuring out, well, if this is what shows up, I'm going to try this.

  Now, what's beautiful about this is that you don't have to hit the nail on the head. For instance, if you're waiting to see what your co parent proposes in a divorce process, you don't have to hit the nail on the head and exactly guess what they propose. But if, say, you're waiting to see what they're going to propose around a holiday schedule, you can come up with some potential scenarios that they might propose. And that is going to get your brain thinking super creatively. And it's going to give you some ideas of how you'll respond based on these. And so then when you actually see what they propose, your brain is already going to be thinking creatively about how you want to respond versus it's either good or it's bad.

  I encourage you to try this. If you find yourself saying, well, I'm waiting to see what they say or do, check in with your body when I'm thinking that. I'm waiting to see what they say or do. Do I feel cool and calm as a cucumber? Then great, nothing more for you to do. Or am I feeling anxious about what they might say or do? Then let's create some backup plans. Let's run some scenarios so that I know what I'll do if any of these scenarios happen, and I'll get my brain thinking creatively about all possible different outcomes. All, I hope that's helpful you all, and I will look forward to seeing you again on another episode and another minisode that talks about mindset. All, y'all have a wonderful, wonderful week. Take care.

If you find yourself anxiously waiting for a response from your co-parent on a request you’ve made or to see what they propose as a solution to an issue, this episode is for you!

Instead of waiting & worrying, try using the scenario & decision tool I suggest.

You may not know what your co-parent is going to say or do, but you can be prepared and keep moving toward the life you want!

If you found this episode helpful, I’d greatly appreciate it if you could Rate & Review it over at Apple Podcasts. Your 30-second review can help more parents find the pod. THANKS A BUNCH!