Stop Feeling Anxious Waiting For Your Co-Parent’s Response
Ah, the waiting game. Such a familiar experience in co-parenting.
Clients often share the challenge of awaiting their co-parent's decisions, whether it's regarding proposals during divorce or responses to specific requests. The key lies in assessing your emotional state during this waiting period. Are you cool & calm as a cucumber or does the waiting bring on stress & anxiety?
If you’re feeling calm and grounded, GREAT! Nothing else for you to do except wait to see what your co-parent says or does. Then you’ll gather the necessary information and proceed accordingly.
However, if anxiety and stress are your companions, proactively making lists of Scenario & Decisions becomes your antidote.
Take Example 1:
You requested to change your kiddo transition time from 3pm to 5pm due to a new work commitment. If you’re feeling anxious waiting for your co-parent’s response, create backup plans.
What if your co-parent agrees? Great, proceed with the change.
If they say no, what's your next proposal?
Or how could you find other support (family/friends/daycare/etc.) so that you could maintain the current schedule?
Or would you choose to approach your boss about modifying your work plan?
The beauty of this approach lies in its creativity. It's not about hitting the nail on the head; it's about showing your BRAIN & NERVOUS SYSTEM that you can handle ANY potential scenarios.
Example 2:
You are waiting to see what your co-parent proposes during the divorce process regarding holiday schedules. You can’t sleep because of what you think they might ask for.
To show your brain that you’ll be ok no matter what, make a list of all the possible configurations they could ask for and what you will do if they show up, i.e. If they ask for X, then I will propose Y. If they suggest A, I will reach out to my lawyer/mediator/coach for advice. If they ask for G, I will agree with it as long as H modification is made.
Try this approach if you catch yourself anxiously waiting for your co-parent's decision. Check-in with your body – calm or anxious? Tailor your response accordingly. If anxious, make a list of scenarios and what you will do. The goal is to free yourself from the make-or-break mindset, encouraging creativity and resilience.
In summary, gather information, and based on co-parent responses, determine your next steps. Turn down the heat in your co-parenting. Most situations & decisions are not life or death; it's about navigating the uncertainties with flexibility and creativity. Give it a try, and may your co-parenting journey become more manageable and empowering.
